YouTube star Shane Dawson is bisexual. In a nearly 15-minute video posted to his channel on Tuesday, the Internet celebrity confessed to being confused about his sexual identity most his life, particularly this past year.
"I never thought I would be making this, ever. But I woke up this morning and I just had to. I'm making this video because I feel like it could help a lot of people," Dawson explained. "Over the last year, I have been extremely sexually confused. I mean, my whole life. But this last year is when it really hit me."
"I always wished that I was gay, that I was just 100 percent gay for so many reasons. No. 1, that means I would know who I was. No. 2, it would be a lot easier for me to be accepted by people because I wear wigs and dresses on the Internet and I'm feminine and all these things. It'd be so much easier to be just like, 'Yeah, I'm gay.' But I'm not. I'm not really gay and I can't sit here and say that I am because that's not real and that's not genuine. But I also can't sit here and say that I'm straight. This is something I've come to the conclusion through therapy and from being honest with myself. I am bisexual."
The 26-year-old vlogger said added that he has never talked about his new sexual orientation until making his video and hoped his video encouraged and helped others who were struggling with their sexuality.
"There are a lot of coming-out videos of people who are gay or lesbian and they're so confident," he added. "But it made me cry because I'm not that. I don't know who I am 100 percent. I know that a lot of you guys might feel the same way."
In the video, Dawson admitted that at a young age he was attracted to both boys and girls, but coming from a religious background he knew his feelings would not be accepted by God or his family. To distract from his inability to react to his feelings, Dawson said he emotional "shut down" and purposely gained weight.
"I got real fat, and I ate all the feelings," he recalled. "I was morbidly obese. It was a way for me to create a shell around me so that nobody would look at me. I didn't want guys. I didn't want girls...I just wanted to be f--king invisible."
After losing the weight and creating his own YouTube channel, Dawson began a romantic relationship with fellow YouTube personality Lisa Schwartz, but he said he started to feel guilty during their relationship because "he started being attracted to guys as well." Although he didn't tell her his feelings, Dawson admitted that he began hating himself and felt "ashamed and scared."
"I was very sad because I didn't want her to think that I was gay and that I was hiding it from her and that I was using her as a beard, because that's what the whole Internet probably thinks," Dawson said about opening up to Schwartz. "I wished I was gay because that would be easier because I could just say, 'I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm gay and I'm leaving. I'm going to be with a guy.' That would be so much easier. But that's not what it was. And I'm still attracted to girls, but I have never faced that I'm attracted to guys, and I needed to figure that s--t out."
After starting sessions with his therapist and opening up to his ex-girlfriend, Dawson, whose real name is Shane Lee Yaw, The YouTube star said he did not want to end up like Bruce Jenner - referring to the reality star's attempt to reveal his true identity at the age of 65 - but just wants to be happy.
Through tears, Dawson admitted that he began telling his friends, family and mother, who he revealed was open-minded and accepting about his decision, saying that he realized that so much of the world has changed, going from being a Christian-based world to an open-minded one.
"I wanna love who I love whether it is a guy or a girl," he expressed at the end of his video. "I can't honestly say I'm gay. I can't honestly say I'm straight. But I can honestly say that I am open to love in any way and I guess that makes me bisexual."
Dawson ended his video saying revealing that he did not want to be defended as bisexual or any other sexual orientation, but rather as "Shawn" - the comedian, the writer and director.
After the video was uploaded, Dawson thanked his fans on Twitter for their support, writing, "Thank u guys for the support. I know 'bisexual' is something that gets made fun of & its scary to talk about it but just know u aren't alone."
Dawson's video has been viewed more than 1.6 million times since being posted.
