Giving children praises can be a form of encouragement, but the words uttered by parents or other adults can matter to how the child develops self-esteem and self-confidence. The wrong phrases could displace the child's view of his or herself that it actually undermines their self-awareness, according to Positive Parenting.
Praising children puts focus on perfection instead of improvement, and eventually these kids end up doing things with the sole motivation of gaining positive feedback from others. Whether this is a conscious or unconscious act, kids seeking this kind of feedback tend to avoid risks or mistakes in their decisions. They do not want to tarnish their praise-worthy status. However, when kids avoid mistakes they also lose the ability to hone their decision-making process, per PBS Parents. After all, making mistakes can provide valuable lessons to be learned that shape their attitude and way of thinking as grownups.
In encouraging kids, it's best to describe a specific act or task you see the child doing, including how the child feels while working on this. Also, pay attention to their struggles and acknowledge their effort for overcoming them. You'll be able to help the child set realistic goals that are more attuned to their abilities or interests, according to Parenting Ideas.
Below are concrete examples to the differences between giving children praise versus giving children encouragement:
Praise: "You're so pretty!"
Encouragement: "You picked some great colors for that dress you're wearing today!"
Praise: "Wow, you're very smart!"
Encouragement: "I can see you've really been working hard on that book report. You were able to finish a longer book!"
Praise: "You're such a good girl!"
Encouragement: "Thanks a lot for helping out. We sure did finish this chore faster, didn't we?"
Praise: "Boy, you're really strong! Good job!"
Encouragement: "That was a good run and you were a lot faster than the last time. You didn't stumble at all!"
Praise: "We're proud of you."
Encouragement: "You've proven you can do this project! You must be as proud of yourself as we are!"
