The Guardian Columnist Chimes In on Christmas and Childlessness

Many people who celebrate Christmas attribute the celebration to children, primarily thanks to the Christian story of the birth of Jesus.

In this day and age, where people have the deliberate choice to live their lives without having children, there are some who are struggling to have a child and are feeling like missing out on the festive season.

DINKs vs. Grieving Parents

There is a recent rising trend of young cohabiting or married couples opting not to have children to enjoy their lifestyle preferences, personal freedom, and financial savings at the expense of dealing with the responsibility of parenthood.

Such couples were known collectively as DINKs, or "Dual Income, No Kids" couples.

The acronym - introduced by the Los Angeles Times in 1987 - has gone viral over the past month as millennial and Gen Z couples flood TikTok with the financial benefits of not having kids.

However, the DINK lifestyle has its critics, foremost of which is tech billionaire Elon Musk.

In a post on X, the Musk-owned social media platform formerly known as Twitter, he called out DINK couples as people who have an "awful morality" to demand other people's children to "take care of them in their old age."

On the other hand, The Guardian columnist Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett published a piece about her conversations with women who lost children through miscarriage this Christmas, no matter how much they and their partners wanted to have one and how it felt like an "emotional obstacle course" couples have to deal with, especially in less-empathic households.

In short, those experiencing the loss of a child through miscarriage, baby loss, or biological or social infertility had to put on a stiff upper lip and a brave face amid their grief.

"It's all very well having a happily childfree, adult Christmas of oysters and champagne and movie marathons and naps," Cosslett wrote, "but when your childless status is a source of pain, it's a different matter altogether."

One of the women interviewed, Sophie Flynn, shared her story of having to deal with not having a child to introduce to her relatives and in-laws.

Another woman named Nina, who lost four babies and has one living child, said that she was now infertile as a result of ectopic pregnancies. Despite having a child, she still suffered from panic attacks every Christmas.

A third unidentified woman told Cosslett that she and her husband were taking turns crying alone in their room upstairs when they were hosting people for Christmas.

Christmas Story Affects Discussions on Infertility

Because the Christmas story tells the birth of a major religious figure - Jesus Christ - psychotherapist and author Julia Bueno explained how Christmas invariably focused on families and children.

Bueno told The Guardian's Cosslett that she lost count of the number of couples who were asking for the Christmas miracle of a safe pregnancy and childbirth.

Because of these traumatic scenarios, many couples Cosslett referred to in her article had a single common response of entirely removing themselves from the festivities and going on a holiday.

Acknowledging Grief and Loss

Another response of some couples losing their children or not getting pregnant at all was that of acknowledging the grief and loss.

Kat Brown, who was editing the upcoming essay collection "No One Talks About This Stuff: Twenty-Two Stories of Almost Parenthood," said that winter could be an excellent time for quiet reflection, adding that the season of Advent, which precedes Christmas, and the attributed church music of the penitential season could help couples facilitate a quiet reflection.

Both Brown and Bueno were recommending grieving couples consider swerving celebrations that simply hurt too much. They have also advised parents, relatives, and friends to consider raising certain topics, such as pregnancies and baby names.