Actress AnnaLynne McCord is opening up about her past in a personal essay.
In the July issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine, the "Dallas" actress shared details about her past, including living with religious and strict parents, being raped and suffering a meltdown which nearly lead her to commit suicide.
McCord explained in the article she "grew up in an extremely religious and conservative" household and was abused by her parents as a child. Her father was a nondenominational Christian pastor and her mother homeschooled she and her two sisters.
"My parents believed in strict 'discipline,' as they called it - I would call it abuse," she explained. "The punishments were painful and ritualistic. We would have to bend over the bed, sometimes with our pants down, arms outstretched, and get spanked - with a ruler in our younger years and later, with a paddle that my parents bought when they thought the ruler wasn't strong enough."
McCord moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career, where she was raped by a man she said she trusted. She kept the rape secret at first. While filming a rape scene of her 90210 character, McCord said she began to sob "uncontrollably," relating the scripted assault to her previous attack.
"At first, I felt so disoriented and numb, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep," she said. "I wondered if I had done something to give him the wrong idea. I felt afraid of making him angry. Believe it or not, I didn't want to offend him. I just wanted it to be over."
The now 26-year-old star finally opened up to her friends and family. McCord admitted to suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts.
"I lay on my bed in a hotel in Madrid for days, feeling increasingly alone and hopeless," she remembered. "I had pills and water in hand and thought seriously about killing myself. I didn't fear death - it felt like a solution."
She pulled through depression with therapy and support of her family and friends. McCord said the essay is meant to help other women who suffer in silence. The actress has worked with advocate Somaly Mam to rescue girls from sexual slavery in Southeast Asia and credits the young survivors with helping her heal.
"You have a voice. Don't put yourself in a box," McCord advised. "Don't let the polite lies of society silence you. Honestly, I would endure everything all over again - it has led me to my own revolution."
