Birds attempt to perform all sorts of grand demonstrations to attract potential mates during courtship. Birds of Paradise, for instance, splay their colorful feathers and run through a repertoire of impressive dance moves. Humans act in similar fashion when attempting to attract potential mates - adjusting and altering everything from outfits to body language - in the common belief that "fortune favors the bold." But, as it turns out, showing off is strictly "for the birds." A recent study suggests that demonstrating a capacity for humility is the key to attracting a partner as well as maintaining a relationship.
In conducting its three-part study on the matter, a research team led by Daryl Van Tongeren, an assistant professor of psychology from Hope University, began by coming up with at a practical definition of humility as well as a method for measuring it, notes blogger Temma Ehrenfeld, in the online research digest of The British Psychological Society. In doing so, the team defined humility as going beyond mere modesty or the tendency to brush off compliments. Truly humble people are capable of great introspection: they are aware of both their strengths and weaknesses and are inclined toward "altruism" - doing for others without the expectation of getting something in return. A humble partner accepts compliments and criticisms equally, is respectful during conflicts and works toward resolving problems.
Van Tongeren's study was conducted in three parts, the most important of which came from a test that asked 133 participants to evaluate the attractiveness of "virtual" partners as defined by fictional dating profiles like those used on popular matchmaking websites. Given a choice between a more forward fictional respondent who related, "I'm a really good student and pretty smart, but definitely not a nerd or bookworm; I guess it just comes naturally" versus a more humble respondent whose profile revealed, "I'm a pretty good student, but not a bookworm; other people say I'm smart, but I don't like the attention," the more humble respondent won hands down. In fact, both men and women preferred the non-attention seeking partner.
Van Tongeren's team then took the research a step further to determine if similar results would come from those in established relationships. Their tests involved participants in relationships lasting 18 months or longer - half of which were long-distance couples - that completed standard questionnaires that were designed to measure tendencies to forgive, feelings about a recent partner's offense, and a partners capacity for humility. Van Tongeren's team found that participants were more likely to forgive partners who were perceived as humble, as opposed to boastful.
The study's takeaway is that when it comes to love, we humans don't need to squawk or strut our tail feathers quite so much.
