So the trailer for the upcoming super sequel "Avengers: Age of Ultron" leaked the other day and it looks awesome. No seriously, go watch the trailer before you continue reading, I promise I'll wait.
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Totally epic, right?
The trailer comes just a week before the NBA season is set to kickoff which got me to thinking (something I do not do often). What if NBA teams were characters in the Avengers - who would they be and why?
San Antonio Spurs - Captain America
Zero personality but always effective. Never the life of the party but always gets the job done. Captain America consistently puts the mission above all else. He doesn't care about individual glory, just results. He believes in team work and is generally an all-around boy scout. Sound familiar?
Gregg Popovich and the San Antonio Spurs are the stoic do-gooders of the NBA. No one in the franchise makes inflammatory comments; none of the players have selfish tendencies or personal agendas. If you're looking for drama, keep on going west until you hit L.A. All anyone at Spurs headquarters cares about is winning. With five championship rings on their hands, it's pretty clear that their "no nonsense, complete the mission" approach has worked well for them.
Cleveland Cavaliers - Iron Man
It's not that the Cavaliers are boisterous and arrogant like Robert Downey Jr's Iron Man. On the contrary, LeBron James had made it a point to stress that their superpowered big three will take time to gel together and that other teams, such as the Chicago Bulls, are ahead of them because of better chemistry. On the other hand, Iron Man is the flashiest member of the Avengers. He's the headlines-grabbing Michael Jordan to everyone else's Scottie Pippen in many ways.
The headlines all summer have been saturated with Cavs news like a jelly donut bursting at the seams (do donuts have seams? I don't know, probably not. Just go with me on this one). On paper, this is the most talented team in the NBA. And when they finally do get comfortable and hit their stride? Watch out because this squad will be flashier than a Lady Gaga dress.
Chicago Bulls - Thor
No, the Oklahoma City Thunder are not the thunder gods of the NBA. That would have been too easy.
Thor is Marvel's version of Shakespearean drama. The Chicago Bulls have been one giant Greek tragedy over the last couple of seasons. Losing your MVP not once, but twice to season ending knee injuries is just brutal. The Bulls are arguably the NBA's most physically imposing team thanks to coach Tom Thibodeau's suffocating defense, but Derrick Rose's health issues have held this franchise back. Sort of like an heir to a kingdom being banished from his realm, no?
Memphis Grizzlies - Hulk
Hulk smash. Grizzlies smash. They're kindred spirits, really.
The Hulk is a physical beast who inflicts heavy damage. Send the Big Guy on a mission and the results may not be pretty, but you can bet the opposition will be beat up. The same goes for Memphis. ESPN's J.A. Adande sums the team up perfectly.
"Playing against the Grizzlies means extra time soaking in ice after the game" Adande wrote.
Sometimes, good 'ol physicality is all you need to be successful. It works for the Hulk when he's not, you know, destroying entire city blocks and it works for the Grizzlies, who have made the playoffs in four straight years.
Oklahoma City Thunder - Black Widow
Black Widow is one of the most intriguing members of the Avengers, despite the fact that she hasn't actually done anything in any movie. People love her - she's the sexy and mysterious super spy who's capable of anything - yet up to this point, she's mostly been a background character used for plot convenience and, err, aesthetic purposes.
Similarly, the Oklahoma City Thunder are one of the few "sexy" teams in the NBA because of their rare combination of youth and talent. OKC has arguably three top 15 players in Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook and Serge Ibaka, all 26 or younger. The sky is the limit for this team, but they haven't done much of anything just yet. They lost in the Finals to Miami in 2012 and have missed out on the big dance ever since due to untimely injuries. We're all still waiting for this attention-grabbing squad to wow us on the championship stage, but are they up to the challenge?
Brooklyn Nets - Hawkeye
Hawkeye has sort of been just a creepy character hanging out on the fringes of everything. It's like if you're at a party and you notice that one person everyone hates and you're all, "ugh, who invited that guy," you know?
The Brooklyn Nets made it rain in NBA money by spending a whopping $180 million on their team after luxury taxes. All that money...and all they got is 44 wins and a disappointing sixth-place finish in the weak Eastern Conference. It's like the playoffs were starting and everyone looked at the Nets and halfheartedly said, "I guess you can come too." Brooklyn is just an unexciting tagalong team that we don't fully understand yet.
Los Angeles Clippers - Loki
Loki is the villain we all (not so) secretly love. He's engaging and entertaining yet still the "bad guy" at the end of the day.
The Los Angeles Clippers have become the popular team to hate in the NBA. Obviously, the entire Donald Sterling scandal warrants heavy criticism. But the hate seems to go beyond that. Blake Griffin endures countless cheap shots and overly physical fouls on a nightly basis. Chris Paul has been catching lots of flak for his lack of post-season success. The Clippers have become popular villains and we just can't avert our eyes.
If it were only the laws-of-physics-defying dunks, or the no-look-needle-threading passes, or the barrage of three-pointers or the not-in-my-house blocks than it would be easy to dismiss the Clippers if one were so inclined to do so. But since the team brings all of that on a daily basis, you just can't help but tune in.
