It is Halloween again, guys and ghouls - what better time to purvey the barren, godforsaken landscape of this NHL season and determine what fear-inducing truths we've discovered thus far this year?
Who's headed to the grave? Who's soon to be rising from the dead? Whose corpse will be hacked apart and divvied up amongst the rest of the feasting zombies?
Here are the three scariest truths we know from the NHL season so far:
1) The Buffalo Sabres Are Frightfully Bad
Maybe they're dying a slow, painful, 82-game death on purpose, but then again maybe not. Either way, the product the Sabres are putting on the ice on a nightly basis is far and away the scariest thing in the NHL right now.
They're 2-8-1 and in last place in the Atlantic Division. They have five of a possible 22 points on the season. One of their wins came against the Carolina Hurricanes, who, due to an injury to captain and overall best player Eric Staal, only barely escaped this spot in my hateful Halloween rankings.
As a team, they've scored 12 goals. They're 30th in goals per game (1.1) and 21st in goals against (3.3).
As a result (or perhaps, in a dark and evil twist, it's actually the other way around) the body of their roster is almost certainly soon to be dismembered.
Defenseman Tyler Myers' name has been the circulating in trade rumors for quite some time now. He'll most likely be the first appendage hacked off. Forward Chris Stewart is garnering interest as well.
Much like a vampire seeking to sustain its everlasting youth and exist through one more tortured day, the Sabres will soon begin jettisoning veteran players in an effort to inject younger, fresher blood into the organization.
2) The Kings Are Scary Good
The Kings won the Stanley Cup last season, clawing their way out of the almost certain grave of a 0-3 series deficit to the San Jose Sharks in round one en route to their second title in three years. Some worried the immense effort would bleed into this season - not so.
They have something called the "That 70s Line," and believe you-me: despite the apparently fangless nickname, it's plenty deadly. Comprised of Tanner Pearson, Tyler Toffoli and Jeff Carter, the group has 17 goals so far this season. The rest of the team has six combined.
They're averaging a 1.67 goals against average as a team, helped tremendously by the fact that starting goalie Johnathan Quick has been his usual quick-as-lightning self. He's already got two shutouts and his save percentage is a heart-stopping .950.
Even scarier about this team - they haven't yet hit their stride in terms of puck possession. And their most talented forward, Anze Kopitar, has been injured.
They could potentially get even more terrifying for opponents.
3) The Columbus Blue Jackets Are Cursed
Maybe Nationwide Arena, the place the Columbus Blue Jackets call home, is built on an old Indian burial ground. Maybe general manager Jarmo Kekalainen ran afoul of a wart-covered, bent-nosed witch while scouting a minor league player in the far reaches of some tiny, frigid Eastern European country and she placed a hex on the team and their fans.
Maybe the protracted contract impasse the team engaged in with forward Ryan Johansen in the off-season has the organization suffering some type of bad joojoo or hoodoo mysticism.
Whatever it is, the Blue Jackets have been violently struck down by the Hockey Gods so far this season.
Nathan Horton, Boone Jenner, Brandon Dubinsky, Nick Foligno, Matt Calvert, Artem Anisimov, James Wisniewski and Sergei Bobrovsky are all hurt.
That's nine players. An NHL hockey team can dress 20 players a night from their 23-player active roster. Almost half of the Blue Jackets starting players are injured.
Whatever you do, don't go to Columbus, or you're apt to fall under the very same curse and break a bone or tear a ligament.
