Alexithymia is a psychological disorder distinguished by an inability to verbally describe emotions, according to Wise Geek. The word comes from the Greek a for "lack," lexis for "word" and thymia for "emotion."
Those with alexithymia are imaginatively stunted and have an extremely focused way of thinking. They are strictly factual beings and often insist on specifics, according to Wise Geek. Those suffering from alexithymia are frequently described as "cold" or "aloof," because they lack the ability to empathize.
Does this sound like someone you know? Does your husband or significant other have trouble understanding your emotions or communicating theirs?
True sufferers of alexithymia might not have the words for their feelings, but will sometimes have psychosomatic symptoms, like a stomachache when angry or sweaty palms and palpitations when anxious.
"People with alexithymia have trouble relating to others and tend to become uncomfortable during conversations," Nick Frye-Cox, a University of Missouri doctoral student, said according to Psych Central. "The typical alexithymic person is incredibly stoic. They like to avoid emotional topics and focus more on concrete, objective statements."
People with alexithymia will still get married because of the human need to be wanted and to belong, Frye-Cox explained, according to Psych News. "Once they are married, alexithymic people are likely to feel lonely and have difficulty communicating intimately, which appears to be related to lower marital quality," Frye-Cox said.
"People with alexithymia are always weighing the costs and benefits, so they can easily enter and exit relationships," Frye-Cox said, according to Psych News. "They don't think others can meet their needs, nor do they try to meet the needs of others."
Alexithymia is often attributed to autism or other spectrum conditions, as well as post-traumatic stress disorder. Alexithymia has also been linked to eating disorders, panic attacks or anxiety, substance abuse and depression, according to Psych News.
Before you turn to your husband and tell him he has autism and bulimia, keep reading.
Gregg Henriques wrote in Psychology Today about a couple he treated. One issue Henriques looked for in the couple's therapy session was "normative male alexithymia," or traditional macho man syndrome. Normative male alexithymia calls to task a man's inability to articulate his emotions which conflict with what is socially allowed for him to express. This withholding of emotion and communication might be a symptom of shame, because society has taught young boys that "real men" don't express vulnerability or needs, according to Henriques.
Put together a withholding partner with an emotional, communicative partner and this union can be disharmonious. The couple often times complains that they are each not valued by the other, according to Henriques, with the withholding partner bottling up emotions until he pops. The cycle needs to be broken and defending and hiding must turn into sharing and openness.
