When you fight with your husband, wife or significant other, do you give the cold shoulder or do you sit and stew waiting for them to realize why you're mad?
Keith Sanford, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience in Baylor University's College of Arts & Sciences, said there are two common ways couples disengage, according to PsyPost. The first type of disengagement is withdrawal and the second is "passive immobility" (which you have experienced if you've ever been in a relationship where one party expects the other to read minds).
"Withdrawal is the most problematic for relationships," Sanford said, according to PsyPost. "It's a defensive tactic that people use when they feel they are being attacked, and there's a direct association between withdrawal and lower satisfaction overall with the relationship."
"Passive immobility" is used when one person feels anxiety about the relationship. It is a barrier to communication, but it isn't as damaging as withdrawal.
Withdrawal is "more characteristic of unhappiness. Just about everyone does that from time to time, but you see more of that in distressed relationships," Sanford said, according to PsyPost.
Withdrawal and "passive immobility" can feed off each other. One partner wants to maintain control and stay distant, Sanford explained, while the other gets anxious. "You're worried about how much your partner loves you, and that's associated with neglect. You feel sad, hurt and vulnerable," Sanford said, according to PsyPost.
"Often, you have one person who withdraws and the other demands. The more the one demands and complains, the more the other withdraws, and so on," Sanford added, according to PsyPost.
"It's an issue both of being aware of when these behaviors are occurring and of finding an alternative - a more constructive, polite approach to resolve conflict," he said. "And at times, that's easier said than done."
The study titled Two Types of Disengagement During Couples' Conflicts: Withdrawal and Passive Immobility appears in the journal of the American Psychological Association, Psychological Assessment.
