Was your last boyfriend a no-good cockroach? Did your latest fling leave you with a sting? Then the San Francisco Zoo has the perfect Valentine's Day gifts for your ex-lover, or in memory of the rotten relationship.
If your ex was, let's say, a sneaky charmer, then the desert scorpion might be the way to go.
"So the latest affair didn't work out and given your ex's record-breaking ability to move on, you suspect foul play," the scorpions' adoption page reads. "Well, nothing soothes the sting like the adoption of a giant hairy scorpion in honor of your former beloved. It's no surprise these invertebrates are aggressive, active and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or 'caves.' Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming."
