A new study suggests that older couples are more capable of handling conflicts by changing the subject.
The researchers dubbed the technique as ‘demand-withdraw pattern’. The pattern begins with one partner blaming the other (demand) while the other one stops talking or just walks out (withdraw) of the scene.
Sarah Holley, lead researcher and a psychologist from the San Francisco State University, considered the demand-withdraw pattern a continuous cycle.
"If a husband withdraws in response to his wife's demands to do the dishes, for example, that withdrawal can lead to an escalation in the wife's demands, which in turn may fuel the husband's tendency to withdraw from the argument, and so on," Holley wrote in the study.
They observed the behavior of 127 middle-aged couples, aged between 40 and 50, and older married couples for at least 13 years. They were interviewed and ask questions about different scenarios: infidelity, housework, finances, and others.
As couples aged, the pattern remains the same but both were highly inclined to just avoiding the subject of the conflict. Both would either change the topic or just drop it.
While younger couples consider this pattern detrimental for the relationship since they believe that issues will worsen if not discussed, older couples are the opposite. Since older couples managed to stay together for years facing conflicts along the way, such issues are not troubling anymore.
Conflict avoidance corresponds to the socio-emotional goals of people as they age. Old couples learn to avoid conflicts and accept that some goals are not attainable. Instead, they learn to focus on the positive experiences they had with their partners since they don’t have much time left since they are already old.
The study concludes that the length of relationship of the couple is associated with the conflict avoidance behavior. Age may also be a factor. Therefore, the longer the relationship is, the easier it is for the couple to avoid conflicts.
The study was published in the July 1 issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family.
