PREVIOUSLY: Seven new girls moved into the Miami mansion, one of which went home without a bang merely hours after moving in. Sarah made stupid comments and annoyed the roommates, and eventually ended up in a rather contrived fight with Tiana, who arguably had been manipulated by Mimi into fighting with her.
Anyway.
So the producers got their coveted "first fight," but the drama seems to have cooled down a bit this week so they can give us plenty of gratuitous girl-on-girl action and introduce us to the newest roommate. (Word is that there's a whopping total of SEVEN replacements this season! Damn, Oxygen!) Hopefully, this means more fighting for the editors to make into crazy promo montages.
So we open this episode back in Miami. It's nighttime and we get a drawn-out recap of what initiated the non-fight between Sarah and Tiana. Mimi, annoyed that Sarah put up a fuss about spotting Jaz in the club, incited Tiana to duke it out with Sarah while they rode home in the limo.
After some harmless hair-pulling and wrestling at home that the producers didn't even bother to break up, Mimi, all smiles, calls for round two! Teresa takes note of this warily.
But Sarah and Tiana are over it, chalking it up to a misunderstanding, and they hug it out. Sarah starts crying and apologizing to Tiana, and it's pretty funny considering how much the producers hyped up the non-event so much in the last episode.
Sarah points out that while she has a big mouth, Tiana judges people too quickly.
Annoyed that her scheme didn't work, Mimi talking-heads that Sarah is pretty much being a baby about the whole thing for crying to Tiana. I have to say, it's nice to see the girls get over petty s**t so quickly on this show.
The next day, Mimi calls her mom so she can talk on camera about her Twitter. Her mom tells her there's a new article about her in Rolling Stone, and Mimi pretends she doesn't understand how they knew she joined the "Bad Girls Club". OK, Natalie Nunn.
After some filler footage of the girls re-hashing the latest non-issues, a wild new girl picture appears! The girls predictably freak, calling each other downstairs to overanalyze the new girl based on her photo. Mimi watches, annoyed, as Sarah and Tiana joke about last night's fight.
"I should have wrestled your ass," Sarah tells Mimi, though for now, she's smiling about it. Mimi decides to be more careful about her sneakiness.
In a totally original new girl prank never, ever seen before on "Bad Girls Club," the girls decide to make the new girl take shots of alcohol while they take shots of water.
Sarah calls her fiancé, Zack, and relays last night's argument. I am so sick of hearing about this non-incident it's not even funny.
But wait, here comes the new girl!
Meet Gina, a 23-year old girl Colombian girl from Brooklyn, who calls herself strong, independent and...well, she's not that interesting so far. But the girls clearly think so, and to my relief, they bombard her with hugs instead of fists as soon as she walks in the door. It's a nice change of pace from how on previous seasons, the girls would tirelessly try to kick out nearly every "replacement" girl before she even set foot in the mansion.
The girls get the real and fake water shots ready and drink them down. Predictably, Gina gets wasted, not realizing she's being pranked.
Gina is super excited to be there and starts getting chatty. Mimi seems irritated and asks if her she talks this much when she's sober. Well girls, what did you expect, you got her wasted within the first ten minutes. Tiana, however, likes Gina so far, and says she isn't into the whole "mean girl" thing of making fun of her, which is pretty awesome.
During her drunken blabbering, Gina calls out Tess, the girl who left early, for being weak. Keep in mind she's sloppy drunk. Sarah takes offense to it, feeling like she called the original girls inherently weaker than the replacements, and you just know she won't let this go. Ever.
The girls head over to a gay club for their mandatory night out on the town. At the club, Sarah instigates and tries to get Teresa to agree to a really boring BGC plot: try and get rid of as many new girls as possible. No! I thought we were past this, show! At least no one's mattress has been thrown in the pool yet.
The next day, Jaz and Sarah retrieve a mysterious, giant nut thing from the yard, which is obviously a coconut, and try to smash it open with various kitchen objects, before realizing that it is indeed a coconut. Sarah calls it a "football." It's riveting.
At the pool, Sarah talks smack about the new girl and brings up Gina's drunken comment about the replacements being the "stronger" girls. Sarah decides to wire-tap the confessional room with a baby monitor so they can listen to everything Gina says, and screams with excitement at her own brilliance. Sarah makes it clear to Tiana and Stephanie that they're only doing it to Gina, not anyone else, and Tiana makes it clear that she's not jumping anybody if they hear anything, nor is she getting involved in this nonsense. Go Tiana!
Even though Tiana wants no part of the scheme, Mimi is excited, of course, because Mimi loves anything sneaky. Sarah, Jaz and Teresa go to the store to retrieve the baby monitor while Mimi whispers to Stephanie her plan to lock Gina in the phone booth, which they do. It's so hardcore I can barely handle it.
Gina freaks out, banging on the door and venting on the phone to, presumably, her mother about being hazed. She calls it "punk s**t," which it is, but I doubt Mimi and Stephanie care, as they think it's pretty funny that they left her locked in a hot, bright room with no air circulation.
Tiana finally opens the door for Gina, and Gina goes to the confessional to vent about the fakeness of the girls. Stephanie and Mimi decide to play stupid about it, even though everyone gets over it pretty quickly.
Sarah, Teresa and Jaz return and begin setting up for Project Baby Monitor. But, plot twist, they almost get busted by Gina, so they decide to put the plan on hold...for now! Oh show, you're killing me with the suspense.
Soon enough, it's back to drinking, and the girls are sitting outside in skimpy tops and bras playing beer pong for a casual night in that will more than likely involve drunken make-outs. So little is happening in this episode that the editors will us in with every exciting moment of it, including what looks like a shot of one of them smoking a bong, or maybe that's just an alcohol logo they blurred out.
Things get heated quickly as some of the girls start arguing pointlessly about the beer pong game, the main players in the non-fight being Mimi and Gina. Mimi tries to instigate Sarah into arguing with Gina, which irritates Sarah. She finally brings up the stupid comment that Gina made last night, and Gina apologizes and clears it up, letting everyone know she doesn't think she's stronger or better than anyone in the house. Stephanie respects the fact that Gina's not letting anything get to her so far.
But Sarah being Sarah, she decides not to take the "fake" apology, and this girl is acting about 14-years old right now. I can see why she needs a bodyguard.
In the kitchen, Tiana asks Mimi if she's a "mean girl," to which she puts on a baby voice and sheepishly denies. On a scale 1-10, Mimi cutely rates herself as an 8. Having grown up on the streets with sneaky girls, Tiana makes the mature decision not to engage in any mean girl antics at the house.
It's spin-the-bottle time! That means they're playing with naughty dice, and the editors flash words like THIGHS, LICKS and NIPPLES across the screen, in case we're not getting it from the soft-core girl-on-girl montage.
Pretty soon some of the girls, Sarah included, are naked in the pool. Mimi follows her into the shower and they start playing around, though we don't get any fake moaning voice-overs to indicate that they got down and dirty.
Back outside in the hot tub, Teresa and Jaz discuss how Mimi is an attention w***e (news at 11), and when Mimi gets back from her shower rendezvouz, Jaz repeats it to her face.
"You're not on [this show] 'cause you're boring!" Mimi declares, announcing she's going to be "that person" that gets everyone riled up and instigates fights. At least she's honest. Sarah tells her to shut the f**k up, and before you know it, the girls that just hooked up are going at it.
Speaking of attention 'hos, we're about to see Ray J, who hosted "Bad Girls Club: Allstars" spin-off season pretty soon.
The next morning, the girls feel aggravated and don't know why, except for Sarah, who woke up happy, of course. They talk about doing their hair and nails, and Stephanie notices that Sarah won't stop subtly picking on Gina, whom they're now calling "Gigi."
Stephanie tells Sarah not to pick on her anymore, and Sarah accuses them all of being in the "Boring Girls Club."
Teresa, Stephanie, Sarah and Mimi head over to a hair salon that Oxygen is promoting to get pampered. Mimi talking-heads that just about everything Sarah says is annoying, but admits that she enjoys having Sarah as her puppet, as the girl co-signs everything she says and does.
Meanwhile, Jaz, Gigi and Tiana go to another Oxygen-approved salon for a separate pampering session. At the salon, Jaz and Tiana talk about Sarah, the topic of most conversations these days. That's when Jaz calls Sarah a b***h who blows things out of proportions, and accuses her of being "snakeish."
Back at the house, the girls get ready to go to a club and have a great time. Sarah is annoyed that it's still the "Boring Girls Club" and pledges to start some drama. With these girls and plenty of booze, that can't be too hard.
The club, much like all of the others, is a fairly good time, with plenty of strobe lights, half-naked men and endless bottles of booze. Sarah gets jealous that Gigi is getting hit on and taking home guy's numbers, because what else is she going to do at the club? HAVE FUN? Please.
Meanwhile, Stephanie meets a guy to bring home, which means we may be getting some censored sex scenes soon!
Teresa spots Ray J, who "just happens" to be at the club. In her talking head shot, Jaz talks up what a star he is, and back at the club, we see Sarah getting his number and inviting him back to the house. Total coincidence!
Mimi isn't impressed, mocking Sarah's "'ho pad" she uses to get Ray J's number. To create more drama, one of the producers has Ray J pull Stephanie aside and instruct her to take the number from Sarah, which is supposed to be some kind of a diss.
Obviously, he could have just written down a fake number, but this is BGC, and like Sarah keeps saying, it's getting boring, fast! We need more contrived action!
In the limo, Mimi calls out Sarah, who is engaged if you'll recall, for hitting up Ray J. It soon devolves into a "he said, she said" thing, or something, and Sarah falls for the trap and gets upset.
The girls continue to bicker about absolutely nothing, and then Sarah picks up a bottle of liquor and starts screaming into it. As you do. Teresa talking-heads the stupidity of the situation, posing the question: Why are we fighting over a phone number? She accuses Sarah of instigating yet another fight.
And all over Ray J.
Stephanie talking-heads that if Sarah wants to keeps moving her mouth, she might as well "pop off" with her hands too.
Back at the house, Sarah, whose shorts are falling off of her ass, starts re-hashing the phone number incident to Teresa and Jaz, who were present at the time and do not really need a recap. Jaz accuses Ray J of being a famew***e, which he is, and Mimi tells Sarah to shut up unless she's swinging, as she finds it all very entertaining and wants to see how far she can push her new puppet before she snaps.
Gina accidentally spills something, and Sarah flips out about it for no reason. Gina warns that she's Colombian, and she isn't somebody you should play with. Sarah says "Yo, f**k, Gigi!" She repeats it to her while she's on the phone in the phone room, and Gigi steps out to confront her.
"At least I'm not bored anymore," Sarah muses in her talking head shot.
Mimi is dancing with glee in the kitchen as Sarah and Gigi start going at it, and it's then that the first real fight of the season takes place. Gigi lunges at Sarah, and soon they're swinging fists and throwing punches, and the editors take great delight in pulling away just as the action starts getting good.
NEXT WEEK: The girls go on a South Beach cruise, Gigi brings home a guy and Sarah keeps trying to irritate Gigi. It looks like Sarah is having an actual fight with Tiana or Jaz, too! I'll be back next week to watch it all so you don't have to, and of course, I'll tell you all about it.
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