PREVIOUSLY: New girl Gina ("GiGi") got into a non-fight over a stupid comment that Sarah took offense to, and when she wasn't name-dropping J.B. (Justin Bieber, obviously), Mimi played puppet-master and instigated a fight between Sarah and Gigi that finally reached its boiling point.
This week, it looks like the girls have had about enough of Sarah's bulls**t and are ready to kick her out of the club. I'm really hoping this episode is more interesting than the snore-fest that was last week, though considering it opens in the middle of a fistfight between Gigi and Sarah, it's already looking more promising.
Remember when this show actually took in-house fighting and physical violence seriously and nearly kicked out fan favorite Tanisha Thomas for merely yanking hair? Yeah, I'm having trouble recalling that too.
So the fight we ended last week with (we tend to end every week with fights) takes place in the kitchen, the perfect place to munch popcorn while watching GiGi get in some truly impressive punches. After it's home, Tiana is all Team Gigi, and doesn't think it would be fair for Gigi to be sent home since Sarah pushed her first and technically instigated it.
After the girls cool down, they talk it out, and Sarah realizes she doesn't know Gigi at all. The two sit down in the confessional to chat and Sarah explains what prompted the fight, which was of course Mimi, though the girls fail to realize this, so Mimi keeps going, telling Teresa that Sarah wanted to start fights for no reason. Ooh, Mimi is sneaky...
Teresa then tells Gigi about the baby monitor idea where the girls planning to wiretap her confessionals (keep in mind it wasn't just Sarah who was in on this), and Sarah admits to it, though Teresa calls her out for being Mimi's puppet while Mimi just sits there and cackles. OK, I'm kind of confused, I have to admit. Why are they so mad at Sarah again? Did they leave out some critical footage here?
Teresa calls her a "f***ing b***h" to her face and storms upstairs. It's very mature, and frankly kind of random, since Sarah did nothing to Teresa.
The next morning, the editors try to beef up the relevance of Mimi once more. Jaz asks her how she got with the Biebs, though Mimi says she "can't talk about it." Whatever, it's a boring scandal, if that. Before this show I have never heard of Mimi or her alleged hook-up with Justin, who I assume was dating Selena Gomez at the time that it went down. Or didn't. Or whatever, because really, who cares?
Anyway, Sarah invites a friend from back home (named "Burger," because...of course he is) to come with her and the girls on a duck boat tour. In the dining room, the girls talk about Sarah behind her back and how fake she is. Oh, the bitter irony.
When Mimi sees that the "duck tour" boat has wheels, she's immediately confused as to how they'll get go see ducks on the water if they're on the ground. Well...
The girls grind and dance on the boat in their bikinis, to the delight of Burger, taking a tour of all the hotspots in Miami, and then all of a sudden the boat quite literally drives into the water, to the delight of its patrons. They dance around some more and then go home.
Wait, that was it? Nothing happened!! I'm starting to see a pattern this season. Oh, how I long for the hilarity of season 4, the truly f'ed up fights of season 5 where a girl's serious heroin addiction was used as ammo in an argument, when and one of my favorite Bad Girls ever, Kristen Kelly, got a giant fan thrown at her from above by an unspeakably angry Lia Lorraine after the two former BFFs fought when Kristen was high on PCP after some random guy in the club drugged her drink.
I mean, those were the good old days.
Anyway, back at the house, Gigi calls her friend Dion ("friend" is used loosely, as she met him the night before at a club) and invites him to come over and bring some bottles. Get it, girl!
Come to think of it, it's funny that none of them have had a hook-up yet, though it's hard to tell how long it's been so far. It feels like weeks have flown by without much incident. I can't imagine sifting through all of this footage, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for a fight to break out.
Mimi notices that Sarah is flirting with Dion, taking off her robe and revealing her underwear. It bothers Tiana too, who brings it up with Stephanie. The girls agree that Sarah isn't trustworthy.
Jaz laments that Sarah always needs to be the center of attention, but in her talking head, Sarah reveals that she was never spoiled and worked for everything she had. Maybe it's why she overcompensates?
After Dion leaves, the girls do what they do best to entertain each other: talk trash. They all huddle outside, and Stephanie suggests they shock Sarah into either changing or leaving.
The next morning, Mimi calls her sister so we can get more exciting footage of her talking about the Justin Bieber rumors that no one is talking about outside of this show. Mimi reveals she "loves a good scandal," and how the picture of her wearing a t-shirt that read "Team Selena" she tweeted helped get her over 2,000 followers. Woop dee doo.
The girls talk excitedly about the Oxygen photoshoot tomorrow, an event that tends to come with plenty of drama, though since they're doing it fairly early on this season, maybe it will be an uneventful one.
In the living room, Jaz, Mimi and Stephanie decide to have a pow wow with Sarah and tell her to leave after the shoot. Well, that's not really a pow wow, but OK.
And then, since the girls of every season think this show is some kind of "Survivor" spin-off, they decide to do it RIGHT NOW, gathering around the table outside to discuss Sarah and how she's suddenly become a huge, terrible problem.
It's nasty and sneaky, and they call over Sarah for a "house meeting" before Mimi (of course it's Mimi) announces to Sarah that it's somehow been decided that she has to go home. Well, no, she technically doesn't. Sarah tells them as much, and Jaz tells her she's fake and manipulative. Sarah counters that she speaks her mind, and then Jaz announces that she's kicking her out of their bedroom. Oh, geez.
Sarah really doesn't seem to care, which I have to give her major props for. No matter how crazy she gets or what weird or stupid things come out of her mouth, I don't condone bullying or ganging-up, and this sudden exercise in group-think is pretty lame. It actually really reminds me of when the girls on season 9 all ganged up pretty viciously on Rima for what seemed like no good reason.
So Teresa is tired of talking about Sarah, so she tells Sarah that nobody likes her. Teresa is not someone I'd like to get to know.
Sarah brings up the hypocrisy in the situation, saying she felt she was cool with some of the girls who suddenly have turned on her. Mimi tells Sarah she'll feel really uncomfortable being in the house now, and it's classic girl bullying and frankly not impressive in the slightest. I thought these were supposed to be the baddest bad girls in the country, Oxygen!
Up in her room, Mimi tells the girls that she's a socialite and brags about all of the famous people she's been with. She loves the attention, absolutely laps it up, no matter what form it comes in. With Mimi, there's no such thing as bad press.
Sarah calls her fiancé to vent about what happened with the girls. Hilariously, after she announces something happened, his first question to her is, "Did you sleep with somebody else?"
He reminds her that she's the strongest girl in the house and the other girls are spineless for trying to gang up on her, and really, they're all talk.
The girls get ready for the big photoshoot, and Jaz reminisces about her modeling career, so of course this is right up her alley.
Being petty, sixo of the girls cram into a four-person jeep so they won't have to sit with Sarah on the ride to the photo studio. Luckily, Sarah brought along her stuffed hippo Moe with her for company. She talks to Moe in the car about how she fought with the tallest and thickest girls in the house, and laments getting hit (and bruised!) in the boob. The editors add snorting sound effects, and it's a nice callback to Judi Jai and her talking voodoo doll in season 7.
While filming her soundbites during the photoshoot, Mimi talks about Bieber yet again, teasing their hook-up to the camera. Sarah watches behind-the-scenes and shakes her head at Mimi's small penis joke, which she frankly finds rude.
"What do you call a 1-inch penis?" Mimi asks coyly. "Just-in!" Oh, Mimi.
Sarah vents her frustrations to Tiana, who warns her that she's being "extra negative" by smack-talking Mimi behind her back, especially just after all the girls all told her not to speak to them. Sarah counters that Mimi doesn't care, which is true.
Of course, as Sarah does her shoot, like the good little minion she is, Tiana reports to Mimi exactly what was said about her, and of course Mimi chalks it up to jealousy, when really it wasn't, but to Mimi all of her "haters" are clearly just jealous of her.
On the way home, Jaz and Teresa decide to hop in the backseat of Sarah's car just to torment her and call her their "chauffer". It's not all that funny. Back at the house, the girls continue trash-talking Sarah, and it's getting REALLY old. Do they really have nothing better to do?
Well actually no, that's the point of the show. The girls are purposefully given no television, what I assume is limited internet access and a shared phone to drive them all to insanity out of boredom. All they have to entertain themselves is essentially each other, and they're all bonkers.
What they fail and always fail to realize, of course, is that the second they kick out one girl who they deem to be the "problem" of the house, they'll find a way to turn on themselves. It never fails. Same story, different book.
Sarah's hairdresser comes over and he's pretty cool. Sarah stays home while the girls go to do (get ready, it's super exciting...) LAUNDRY, and they exclude her just to be mean. I'm sure she's inconsolable over missing out on the spin cycles.
We get some footage of the girls trying and failing at laundry, which is fascinating, and out of boredom they start f**king around outside, realizing they feel relieved without Sarah there to bug them. Is Sarah really their problem, or just their scapegoat? It's pretty easy to get along when you've got someone else to blame all of your problems on.
Back at the house, Jaz and Teresa are super nice to Sarah's hairdresser while pointedly ignoring their roommate. They even set up appointments with him. Suck ups!
While the girls are getting ready to go out that night, Sarah calls her bodyguard and of course, Jaz locks her in the phone room. You know the producers put that lock there on purpose, because what would the point be otherwise in a house with no doors?
Sarah is furious of course, as anyone would be, and starts banging on the door until it opens. The girls are being really petty at this point, and you know they're loving having someone to pick on, the little prank on Sarah sending them over the edge in hysterics.
At the club, some rapper named Brisco invites the girls to his table for drinks, and Mimi takes to him right away, of course, because Mimi is attracted to anything famous. Sarah walks over to join them, and the girls whine about how she's following them. Sarah invites him to the house and asks him for his number, and Teresa makes fun of her "'ho pad" once again.
Luckily for Sarah, her friend Burger (I cannot get over his name) joins them at the club, and being the good friend he is, he confronts the girls on Sarah's behalf. Tiana, who once advocated against the "mean girl" antics, is suddenly all for it and seems flabbergasted that someone is calling her out.
In the limo, she accuses Sarah of bringing the house problems out into the public, and really I just think she dislikes being called out by someone she couldn't tackle.
Soon enough, everyone is yelling, the tension mounting to the inevitable. Look, I understand that bad girls speak their minds, but it's not cool or "bad" to gang up on someone and bully them childishly. Did Sarah really do anything worthy of this torment?
Yeah, she's said some stupid things, she's acted pretty mean to Gigi for no real reason, but other than that, she and the other girls have gotten along pretty well until now. That's group-think for you, though, and you know it makes the other girls feel powerful and gives them something to bond over. It's all very middle school and I can't condone it, whether or not Sarah can deal with it.
So back at the house, people start laying in on Sarah with all of their sudden issues with her. Gigi clearly just wants to fight, so she starts instigating one. Mimi, noting that Gigi is really riled up with her yelling and threats and bravado, encourages it because drama is like her lifeblood. But Sarah can fire back just as well!
Neither of them want to swing first, and it's pretty funny to watch. Sarah maintains that she doesn't hit anyone first, and Gigi agrees, so they're in a stand-off, and a lame one at them.
Sarah gets in Gigi's face, so Jaz decides to jump in on her behalf and pushes Sarah. Sarah pushes back and the two start gingerly swinging and flinging hits around that eventually escalate into punches and hair pulling.
And yes, we end this week with yet another fight, and yes, it's getting old.
NEXT WEEK: That rapper guy that Oxygen wants to promote brings his friends over to the BGC club house for a party, Teresa throws a fit in the limo, and Sarah and Mimi go at it. I'll be back next week to watch it all so you don't have to, and of course, I'll tell you all about it.
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