In every relationship, arguments are inevitable.
However, saying the wrong words during a fight can build up resentment or ignite a bigger argument that you or your partner may regret later on. There are better ways to communicate your disagreement, but these words below should be avoided if you really want to work it out with your significant other:
1. "This is your fault."
Blaming the other person strips away your ability to focus and solve the issue. Instead of pointing out what your partner did, emphasize and say words that reflect your feelings, such as "I feel hurt or sad when you do this," according to Psychology Today.
This way, you can pinpoint the issues that you need to address and avoid doing it again in the future.
2. "I give up."
People's orientation about fights in the general sense is that "it's all about winning and losing," said Greg Godek, a relationship expert, according to Bridal Guide.
In relationships, fights are a way to blow off steam and frustration, and couples do this because there are things that need to be worked out so that the relationship becomes stronger. Saying you give up, or walking out, or shutting the other down is like saying you've lost control. But do you want control, or do you want a relationship?
3. "This is like what you did last time."
Relationship experts say that it's not good to bring up past issues in fights. "Once things have been sorted they should be locked away and left alone. If the issue comes up again - like housework - it may need to be renegotiated," said couple counsellor Natalie Rinehart, according to Yahoo.
Rinehart suggests having a time-out when this happens and resume the conversation when you can keep your focus. Maybe this time, a different approach to the issue should be sorted out if the last one didn't work.
4. Using swear words, name-calling, being sarcastic and saying "I hate you."
These can only trigger issues or escalate frustrated emotions.
"Name-calling is a definite sign that your emotions are coloring the situation to the point where nothing constructive will occur. Fighting while you're in that state is like fighting while you're drunk, or on an hour of sleep-it won't make anything better," said psychologist Amy Johnson, according to Redbook Magazine. Take a breather and calm down instead of confronting your partner.
5. "You were not like this before."
Saying this will only make the other person defensive. Besides, people change and evolve in relationships. If it's a change that is bothering you, you can it out in a more constructive manner by opening up with "I feel..." or "I sense..." rather than starting with the accusatory "You..."
