In-laws, especially mothers-in-law, are often treated as the enemy. They have a bad reputation for seemingly always disapproving of their children's spouses, so that winning over them could be considered a herculean achievement.
However, a study published by Menelaos Apostolou in the journal Human Nature reveals that gifts and lavish dinners might not be the best way to impress the in-laws. Apostolou went over 41 tactics used by adults to woo parents of their partners, and discovered the most successful and least successful tactics by narrowing these into seven types.
"The 'I am right for your child' and 'No confrontation' tactics were found to be most likely to be successful, whereas 'Approach' and 'Tell them I am good!' were least likely to be successful," wrote Apostolou in the study, according to the press release.
Most Successful Tactics
- "I am right for your child" tactic aims at showing the in-laws how good the partner is toward their child. Parents need to see the partner demonstrating this in concrete ways.
- "No confrontation" tactic involves no arguments or disagreements with the parents. The partner must never negate anything the parents tell them.
Least Successful Tactics
- "Approach" tactic is about giving gifts or dinner invites to the parents in an attempt to get closer to them. Apparently, in-laws might not be easily impressed by this.
- "Tell them I'm good!" tactic has the son or daughter convincing the parents that their mate is the right choice for them.
Other Tactics
Other tactics include "I do not deserve this!" and "Why don't you like me?" that address the parents' rejection of their child's partner. These are common approaches, where partners try to change the minds of the parents, but these don't always earn success.
Another tactic, "You have to accept the situation," is a non-combative approach, according to the Telegraph. However, it could include threats of not letting the grandparents see their kids.
The study also revealed that it's the mom who is most influenced by these tactics than the dads.
Apostolou surveyed over 700 Greek-Cypriot families for her study and suggests that because of the cultural limitations, the tactics might not apply for other families.
