Known for modelling work, acting and marriage to television host Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi is one of Hollywood's beautiful blondes who leads a seemingly charmed life. But in a recent interview The Conversation, the 40-year-old star opened up about her struggles with coming out to the public and coming to terms with her sexuality.
In the revealing interview with Amanda De Cadenet, de Rossi admitted, "I just didn't want to be a lesbian," the Daily Mail reports.
Though she and DeGeneres have been very open about their love and marriage, things weren't always so easy for de Rossi.
"I'd never met [a lesbian] for a start and I just thought they were strange and that they hated men and they were very serious and I had these ridiculous images in my head and there were no out celebrities or politicians or anybody that I could look to and go, 'Oh, I could be like that,'" she admitted. "There was nobody that I could say, 'I could date her and I want to be like her.' I just kind of thought I don't want to live like this. I don't have to, I don't need to, I just shut down the emotional life."
While starring in the late '90s show "Ally McBeal," de Rossi struggled with eating disorders, which she believes were symptoms of a repressed sexuality.
"The thing that kept me company was my eating disorder," she said. "It was like a lover, it was like somebody who never ever left me. Like a thought that would always keep me excited, interested and focused. It's adrenaline."
Over time, however, the actress came to accept herself. She dated singer Francesca Gregorini, the daughter of Barbara Bach and the stepdaughter of Ringo Starr, from 2000 to 2004, though kept the relationship a secret from her castmates until a tabloid published photos of the couple together, and declined to discuss it publicly.
But it was in 2004 that de Rossi met the woman who would become the love of her life, Ellen DeGeneres, whom she met backstage at an awards show. While dating DeGeneres, de Rossi began to open up about her sexuality to the public, and later went on to marry the star in 2008, the Australian becoming a U.S. citizen in 2011.
