Like many of her "Fast & Furious" co-stars, Michelle Rodriguez was devastated by the death of Paul Walker. The actress really struggled to come to terms with the loss of her dear friend after he passed away in 2013 after being involved in a car accident.
In a new clip from the new controversial documentary "The Reality of Truth," Rodriguez admitted that while she was under the influence of the psychedelic drug ayahuasca, she realized she was jealous that Walker died and left her on earth.
"I have to say, you know, when I lost Paul, I went through a year of just being like an animal, like, what could I do, physically, to just get my mind off of existentialism? Get my mind off of how transient life is and how we just come here and can disappear at any moment," she said in a clip from the film. "How could I get my mind off that?"
The actress continued to confess that she went a little "crazy, nuts, berserk-o" the summer after Walker died.
"I did everything I could possibly do to hide from myself, and I'll tell you that my ayahuasca trip made me sad that he left me here," she recalled. "It wasn't a sadness that he's gone, it's more like a jealousy that he's there first."
"The Reality of Truth," directed by Mike Zapolin and Lauren Levy, explores the "relationship between spirituality, religion and psychedelics." In the film, Rodriguez and others use the plant ayahuasca, which is brewed and used as a spiritual medicine in ceremonies among the native peoples of Peru. While filming the documentary, the actress used the plant and said it "brought the destruction of everything I've ever known... I had an awakening."
Walker died Nov. 30, 2013, in a car accident in Valencia, Calif. The accident was a single-vehicle crash that claimed the actor's life at the young age of 40. Walker was best known for playing Brian O'Conner in the "Fast & Furious" film franchise and also appeared in other films like "Varsity Blues."
"It is with a truly heavy heart that we must confirm that Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident while attending a charity event for his organization Reach Out Worldwide," a rep for the actor posted on his Facebook page at the time. "He was a passenger in a friend's car, in which both lost their lives. We appreciate your patience as we too are stunned and saddened beyond belief by this news."
