Sarah Silverman has had her share of dark days. The comedian got serious with Glamour Magazine in a moving interview about her struggle with depression and panic attacks.
Silverman said the first sign of her depression came when she was only 13 years old. The comedian had just returned from a from an overnight school trip where she had a miserable time because she still wet the bed.
"I had Pampers hidden in my sleeping bag - a gigantic and shameful secret to carry. My mom was there to pick me up, and she was taking pictures like a paparazzo," Silverman said. "Seeing her made the stress of the last few days hit home, and something shifted inside me. It happened as fast as the sun going behind a cloud."
She was also very young when she started to experience crippling panic attacks, according to Today.
"Every breath is labored. You are dying. You are going to die. It's terrifying. And then when the attack is over, the depression is still there," Silverman said. "Once, my stepdad asked me, 'What does it feel like?' And I said, 'It feels like I'm desperately homesick, but I'm home.'"
The 44-year-old, whose mother recently passed away, discussed her road long road to happiness, which included several therapists - including one who killed himself - and the medication she was prescribed. Silverman explained that instead of helping her with her problems, one therapist kept upping her Xanax prescription until she was taking 16 pills a day.
Over the years Silverman learned how to live and control her depression. She is now only on a small dose of Zoloft and still regularly sees a therapist.
"I wouldn't wish depression on anyone. But if you ever experience it, or are experiencing it right now, just know that on the other side, the little joys in life will be that much sweeter. The tough times, the days when you're just a ball on the floor - they'll pass," Silverman said. "You're playing the long game, and life is totally worth it."
